Pregnant or Just Fat and Lazy?

This is a question I have been asking myself quite a bit lately. I'm at a weird place right now--I have no morning sickness and lack other traditional signs. Sure, my waist is getting thick and my clothes are snug: I actually put on one of my favorite skirts the other day and noticed a distinctive pooch. I have to drape myself in shapeless skirts and baggy sweaters. But other than that, some mild cravings and aversions, and feeling like I've just run a 50 mile marathon, I have no signs.

I think the worst thing is that I can't feel the baby yet. I have no idea if it is okay. I am terrified that the baby is dead or something is wrong or I'm just not pregnant and it was all a misunderstanding. Maybe I'm not growing a new life; maybe I'm just fat and lazy. And maybe those aversions and cravings are all in my head.

Of course, everyone I tell this theory to laughs and Staylee doesn't like it when I mention the words "dead" and "baby" in the same sentence. (This from the man who used to like to tell dead baby jokes.)

Tomorrow Staylee and I attend our first doctor's appointment. I have read that sometimes they won't check for the heartbeat but I plan on begging and pleading (there maybe tears) to please let me listen to its heartbeat. I need to know the baby is alive. That I haven't inadvertently killed it, gotten it knocked out by flying puppy paws or tricked a blood test into believing water weight is a baby.